Bryan K. Fleming Blogs

My Birthday

So the ole 43 came around the other day. I don't know whether I kept it enough of a secret or no one cared. 3 years ago Facebook gave me 67 Happy Birthday posts from people. It trickled down to under 20 last year and topped off at less than 10 this year. I don't know if this is a psychological test by Facebook or if people don't care. Worse off they don't care about me. Georgia said her feed didn't say my birthday on it so, somehow it was Facebook's fault for the lost wishes. But, I'm so old, I can remember getting cards with money. I hope young ones still get this treatment. Now it comes in plastic prepaid gift cards.
I had so many ways I didn't think my day would go. This is the way it went with it's ups and downs…..
Woken at 9:10 by my girlfriend freaking she is late and forgot a 9am appointment. So I'm up and out of bed to babysit my newly acquired boy/girl duo, who is staying indefinitely until their mother regains her mind capacity. All is well except I am not a trained child caregiver.
Incident #1, as I sit in the bathroom that runs parallel to the kids, I hear the youngest boy yelling for his sister, who is enjoying breakfast cereal at the table out of ear's reach. After the 3rd time I investigate to see a crying, naked kid, hiding in the corner from the water. I still can't believe he couldn't turn off the water, nor just step out. Anyway…..
Incident #2, after returning to the room from the outside deck. I catch the boy running around with his pants down in front of his sister. I have questioned some of their actions and knowledge of the human anatomy in the past, but this was it. I went into a question frenzy. Is this what you do all the time? Do you touch your sister!? What the hell is wrong with you!? If I did this I would go to jail! I'm still clueless to the connection these two have, but they are all they have. With a handful of acquaintances.
As Georgia returns, i get the chance to treat myself to my routine Starbucks run. Then he'd downtown to get my present. A replacement part for my speaker so I can work that night. Unfortunately I order the wrong part for the wrong speaker. Kiss $60 bucks away. After my java pickup I run into my first complication. A real biker. He simply moved a lane over in what I would call an illegal area. That's where the straight line is. It pissed that guy off more than me, but I had to slam my breaks in stupidity at what he was doing.
After crossing the highway bridge a mer 1/4 from here and Biker Boi comes screaming off the highway at 60 plus miles integrating into a 35 mile road with 15 cars in his way. He zig zags and pisses off 3-7 different cars. Then I get behind him as the road continues down to one lane. He zips in front. Then begins to slam his brakes, for the only reason I see, to piss me off. I rev the custom Mustang engine with loud dual pipes. More effective than the normal horn. Like the Leo is roaring. I get a middle finger low and an unexpected right turn from him into an alley in the hood.
Now I reach my parent's house and realize my office and parent's house keys are in the Jeep. Currently across town at Target as Georgia shops with the kids. So off I go for my first of 3 trips around the city. Once to deliver Tampons and underwear. Don't Ask! The second because I forgot the keys again. This is why routine is good. I was using her car and she was using mine. Too many sets of keys and cars.
Returning to help with the massive offload of supplies. I see my gifts. A cool chocolate cake that says "Happy Bday Uncle Bryan" and a 12" action figures of young Obi Wan and Darth. They are cheap as hell, not that they are cool! The head turns and the arms move up and down. That's it. My new dark series desert Storm Trooper moves at every joint and his torsel. Plus he looks super realistic, unlike the gifts. But I love them. There's no marveling over them. They are the sit on the shelf and look cool toy.
Jumping in the car once again I'm back off to my parent's to mow their lawn. What do I run into. 2 MoPed Boyz trying to make it ups 2 lane road. They were running in the gravel area and the leader gets stuck at yet another highway bridge crossing. Including myself in the back 4 cars pass. They make their way to the front of the line at the first light. Bullying the other drivers. I have to follow them down another 2 lane road as everyone else turned off.
After a workout in the sun pushing blades. Next is photo ops, last Facebook posts and I'm off to work. I set up an hour early and chill at the office for an hour drinking a tall boy and smoking a phatty. The night went off great. 2 birthday girls including a friend Jacob's older sister. Who he suggested come hang at my show. I packed the house all night and rocked everyone into a great mood. Got paid. Packed up. Made it to the office a block away and said. I'm having another tall one and a phatty.
Unfortunately 2 hours later. Georgia calls in a panic looking for me. I'm still sitting in my office chair. Watching an endless loop of Star Wars Clone Wars episodes and haven't even drank half of my 40…of Heineken! Realizing with her help that it's 4am. I call a cab and jet home for what would be a morning of hung over and not wanting to do anything but sleep. My first present was a week at Rohoboth Beach at the beat Condo you could ever imagine. That was the prior week. Georgia moved it back to accommodate a wedding I had booked. My third present came 2 days later as I write this. Shannon brought home from NY a Darth Vader Hoodie. Now I can wear my mask and have a cool costume. Hell yea! Great Birthday.

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